Choosing an Outfit
by bluegirl-783
Summary: There are some things married people shouldn't do together and choosing outfits is one of them....see what happens when Clarisse tries to enlist Joseph's help...with rather disasterous results.....


_Author's note: Hi! Sorry it's been a while between stories, but I've had some personal circumstances beyond my control. This is only a short story, but don't worry, I'm still writing long ones! I hope you enjoy this- I thought it was a funny idea!_

_NB: The Princess Diaries doesn't belong to me- it belongs to Disney and Meg Cabot_

"Where is that dress I wanted?... Joseph, have you seen my red dress?"

Clarisse Renaldi Bonnell, former Queen of Genovia, poked her head out the bedroom door and look questioningly at her husband. She had been searching for her favourite dress for the last half an hour, and couldn't find it anywhere.

However, without bothering to wait for his answer, she disappeared back into the room as fast as she had appeared.

"What on earth are you doing in there?" Joseph called after her, slightly exasperated that she had asked him a question and had disappeared before he had had a chance to answer.

She suddenly appeared again in the doorway, face flushed, and giving him a slightly patronising look.

"I was looking for that red dress of mine…you know the one I wore to that party last week…"

She was surprised to see that he was still looking at her with a confused look- surely he hadn't forgotten what she worn!

"Clarisse, my love, I don't know what you are talking about. I can't remember what you were wearing yesterday, let alone last week!"

"You've seen this dress- you said you really liked it," she explained patiently, and was then struck by an idea. "Could it be in your wardrobe by mistake?"

"No, darling, it couldn't. Your maids put all your clothes away…and she's gone again," he muttered under his breath as she disappeared back into their bedroom.

"I heard that!" she called before giving a cry of triumph. "I found it!"

"Where was it?" He wouldn't be at all surprised if it wasn't still hanging up in her wardrobe- she was usually very neat about putting her clothes away, but she had somehow missed it in this last, frantic search.

"In the back of my wardrobe!" Her voice was muffled- she was putting the dress on because she wanted to show him. "Give me a moment; I want your opinion on it!"

Joseph rolled his eyes- why on earth were women so finicky about their appearance? He went through this almost every time they went out and he usually managed to fob her off onto Mia or Charlotte, and said that he liked everything Clarisse wore- but somehow that never seemed to be enough!

He knew that, before they were married, she had bounced ideas off Charlotte and now that she had Mia, she usually didn't ask Joe's opinion about anything to do with fashion- a very wise decision, Joe had thought.

"I'm coming out!" she suddenly called, and was then standing in front of him in a stunning red dress. It was just below the knee, with an uneven hem, mid length sleeves and a neckline that showed off her graceful neck. It was a beautiful dress, and Joseph suddenly remembered that he had seen her in it last week, and it had looked wonderful on her then as it did now.

"Wonderful- but you know how much I liked it last week," he said mildly, leaning back on the couch. Crisis over- she had found a dress she wanted to wear.

"Yes, but that was for the party we went to last week. This is for going out to dinner with Mia and Nicholas," Clarisse said patiently. Sometimes men were so dense about outfits, she thought to herself.

"What's the difference? It's still the same dress as it was last week, and I loved you in it then, and I'm sure I'll love it on you tonight."

"Joseph, that's not a proper opinion. I want you to look at this dress and tell me whether it is suitable for dinner tonight."

After heaving a great sigh, Joseph looked the entire dress all over, and looked so deep in concentration that Clarisse blushed at the focus he was giving her.

"I like it very much," he said finally, and Clarisse let out her breath with disappointment. He was still being obtuse- surely he realised how important this night was- Mia and Nicholas were celebrating their engagement privately before the entire world knew about it.

"I told you before, darling, that's not a proper opinion!"

"Well, darling, what do you want me to say?"

There was now an edge to both their tones- this wasn't their first argument in five months, they'd actually had their first argument on their honeymoon! It had been over something very ridiculous- like what each other wanted for breakfast- but it had escalated into something bigger, as this clearly was going to be. Neither of them wanted to have another fight, but neither wanted to give in and look 'weak' in front of the other.

"I don't know…give me a more in depth opinion about the dress- do you think it's suitable for tonight?"

"Clarisse, I am not a fashion designer, or a model, so I don't know what you expect me to say about the dress. It's lovely, it looks lovely on you, and yes, it is suitable for tonight. Is that what you want me to say?"

Joe was trying to keep calm, taking deep breaths, but sometimes Clarisse infuriated him by asking his opinion on meaningless things, like this dress, when what was more important was that they actually celebrated with Nicholas and Mia tonight.

"You know it's a special night tonight, and I want to look my best…can't you say something constructive?"

"Like what? You tell me what to say, and I'll say it!"

"That's not helping me, Joseph!" Clarisse was glaring at him now, and he was struck at how brilliantly blue her eyes were when she was angry, or close to exploding. He shrugged

"What do you expect me to say? I'm not the expert here, you are!"

"I would just like my husband to say how much he likes my dress, and he can't!" she was nearly in tears now, and Joe was feeling rather angry himself.

"I told you that a little while ago- you look beautiful in everything you wear! Is that enough of an opinion for you? Or would you like an entire report on every aspect of your look?"

"No, I just want you to tell me that you like this outfit more than anything else!"

"All your clothes look the same to me!"

"You're hopeless- absolutely hopeless! I don't know why I bother to ask you anything!" Clarisse said, before she flounced out the door and slammed it behind her.

* * *

"I don't understand how he just kept saying he liked whatever I wore!" Clarisse stormed as she paced Mia's suite five minutes later. "I wanted him to say something more constructive, like how the colour suited me, or that the material was pretty!"

"You know, Grandma," Mia began hesitantly. "Men aren't that great at giving compliments- Joe is an exception- and they really don't know a lot about fashion. But, I know how you're feeling- I can't ask Nicholas his opinion on anything…men are just hopeless with clothes!"

"I have to agree with Mia," Charlotte said from a chair. "I ask Scott about shoes, and he just says they're fine or something!"  
"Joseph's normally so forthcoming…I just don't understand why he was so recalcitrant tonight!"

There was a long silence, before Mia looked uneasily at the dress hanging over one of the chairs- Clarisse had obviously been angry as she didn't usually throw clothes anywhere.

"So, you're not going back to get changed, then?"

"No…No, I'm not," Clarisse said firmly, determined that she wouldn't be the first to apologise this time. She failed to notice the uneasy look that Charlotte and Mia exchanged.

"Joe, Joe, Joe!" Shades, his trusty friend and new Head of Security, groaned after Joseph, storming out of the suite, came to tell him the story of what had happened. "You fell right into the trap!" He buried his head into his hands for a moment, shaking in disbelief.

"What trap? I didn't know I had fallen into any trap!" Joe said indignantly, toying with the cooling cup of coffee in front of him.

"She asked you to give an opinion on an outfit she wanted to wear…and you said the wrong thing!"

"As far as I could tell, everything I said was wrong!" Why on earth did she ask me something like that? She's got Mia and Charlotte for that!"

"Ah," Shades pretended to look wise. "But she wanted her husband's perspective, even if it was wrong!"

"I don't understand why what I said was wrong- I said she looked beautiful in anything she wore…are all women like this? I've never had this problem before!"

"But you were never married before, were you? Anyway, I don't understand women either, and I can fully sympathise with what you're going through…trust me, Charlotte is just as bad, and we're not even married….But…."

"But what?" Joe leaned forward in his seat anxiously.

"If I were you, I'd be extra nice to her- that comment about 'all your clothes look the same to me' isn't going to get you anywhere good for a while!"

There was a pause, before Joe looked at his watch with a sigh, and stood up from his seat.

"It's time to get changed for dinner. I'm sure Clarisse will be back by now….I really didn't mean what I said…."

He looked rather anxious for the first time since he had come down to the kitchen, and Shades couldn't help but feel a little sorry for him.

"Then tell her that!"

However, Joe got a nasty surprise when he hesitantly entered the suite- Clarisse wasn't anywhere to be seen, and the fire had almost gone out when he entered the living room. He glanced around distractedly before moving into their bedroom.

"Clarisse? Are you here?" he asked, knocking on the closed bathroom door before opening it, and finding the room dark and empty. Just as he emerged from the bathroom, there was an embarrassed cough behind him, and he turned to see Lily there, looking extremely embarrassed.

"Where's Clarisse, Lily? Is she alright?"

"Yes, she's fine and she's with Mia." Lily avoided his eyes- it was bad enough that she had to pass messages between Mia and Nicholas when they were fighting, but between Clarisse and Joe…that really took the cake!

"She said to tell you that she's getting dressed in Mia's suite and…"Lily took a deep breath. "It might be a good idea that you find somewhere else to sleep tonight. I'm sorry," she shrugged helplessly, before leaving the room.

Joe sighed and sat down on the side of the bed- the argument had gone too far this time, and over something as silly as a dress! He hadn't meant to be so obtuse with his comments…but Clarisse had just kept at him. Surely she would have realised that he was hopeless with clothes and what looked good on her….but, he straightened up, he wasn't going to be the first to apologise this time!

* * *

Half an hour later, a tuxedo clad Joseph emerged from their suite, and walked slowly down towards the main entrance where they were all to meet. He was surprised to discover, as he walked along, that he was rather nervous about seeing Clarisse, and what mood she would be in. He looked down over the banister- sure enough, there were Mia and Nicholas waiting there patiently, and Clarisse was with them, but looking rather unhappy.

"Hi Joe!" Mia called happily when he came into view, and Nicholas grinned at him. Clarisse, however, turned her back on him and walked towards the door. Mia shot Joe an apologetic look before following her grandmother out the door, down to the waiting car.

"Allow me," Joe said gallantly, moving quickly to open the passenger door for her.

"Thank you, Joseph," came the cold reply as Clarisse stepped quickly into the car.

"Thanks Joe," Mia grinned nervously as she followed Clarisse into the car.

As the car began to move off, Shades, who was sitting in the front seat with the driver, glanced back and grinned to himself- the tension was thick in the air. While the Queen and Nicholas, squashed between Clarisse and Joe, were beaming at each other, Clarisse and Joe were resolutely staring out the windows in order to avoid looking at each other.

"This is going to be a long evening," Mia murmured into Nicholas's ear, and he only smiled in return.

* * *

At the restaurant, the media was waiting for them so Clarisse and Joseph were forced to act like a happy, newly married couple out celebrating with Nicholas and the Queen of Genovia.

"How's married life?" both of them heard several times- since their marriage, they had tried to keep a low profile, and the media hadn't had much of a chance to ask them any questions.

However, as on other occasions, they declined to answer the questions- Clarisse, on Joe's arm, beamed happily for the photographers, making it seem as though they were happy and didn't have a care in the world. Inside, however, she abruptly dropped his arm and moved away.

"Good evening Your Majesty, Your Majesty, Mr Bonnell and Lord Devereaux!" the head waiter smiled at them. "Your table is waiting for you!"

Both Mia and Clarisse were aware that heads were turning and eyes were watching their every move as they tried to walk discreetly through the restaurant, into the private room that had been reserved for them. Not for the first time, Clarisse wondered why on earth they hadn't celebrated back at the palace.

When they reached the table, she discovered, with dismay, that Nicholas held a chair out for Mia, and then sat down next to her…Joseph saw the look on her face, but decided to be a gentleman, and he held a chair out for her too.

"Thank you," she murmured softly as she slid into her chair, and Joe took an almost audible breath before sitting down beside her.

"What would you like to drink?" their waiter asked, notebook poised, and everyone looked down at their menus for a moment.

"I'd like a bottle of the finest champagne!" Joe spoke up first, and even Clarisse looked at him in surprise. "And four glasses."

"Right away, Mr Bonnell!" and he dashed away as Mia chuckled.

"Joe, I didn't realise that you were a connoisseur of champagne!"

"A lot of things change, Your Majesty," he said mildly. "I've discovered, in my new life, that I like champagne!"

He was only joking, but no one missed the black look Clarisse threw him. It was lucky that they were in a restaurant and couldn't make a scene, Joe thought wryly to himself, otherwise, judging by that look, Clarisse would really be letting him have it! Although she rarely lost her temper, when she did….she really lost it! But, although he had only been a witness to it until tonight, he still loved the fact that she didn't put up with any nonsense. However, he was dreading when they got home……

* * *

It was an awkward evening- although there were no guests in the private room, both were aware that it was Mia and Nicholas's special evening, so they pretended to be civil to each other. Mia had, in the beginning, had found it hilarious that they weren't speaking, but by dessert she was fed up. She leaned over and murmured into Nicholas's ear:

"Talk to him. I'll talk to her," before abruptly standing up.

"Grandma, can you help me adjust my dress in the bathroom?"

"Alright," Clarisse said innocently, standing up and following Mia towards the bathroom. As the two men watched them disappear, Nicholas let out a long whistle.

"Boy, you really made her angry, didn't you?" he said, giving Joe a sidelong glance, half expecting Joe to get angry. However, Joseph just let out a deep sigh.

"Yes, I did. But she asked my opinion on a dress, and whatever I said didn't make her happy!"

"Joe, I'll give you some advice. Young as I am, I know that it's not wise to get into a debate with a woman about clothes because, no matter what you say, it's going to be wrong."

"Exactly," Joe said, leaning forward. "And she kept getting more and more frustrated with my answers…."

He didn't go into many details- even though he was annoyed with her, he didn't want to disrespect Clarisse in any way. Nicholas laughed.

"I know how you feel- I know that Mia and her grandmother are alike in a lot of ways, so I can understand how this blew up. But, the only piece of advice I can give you is…tell her the truth. I know you adore her, and I know how you would love her wearing anything, so tell her that while admitting that you don't know that much about clothes….just tell her you can't be anymore specific than that!"

"That's what I did tell her!"

"But did you lose your temper?" Nicholas looked at him, an eyebrow arched, and Joe sighed.

"Yes."

"The only other trick I can tell you is that when she's really wanting your advice, give her a long kiss…I know that disarms Mia!"

Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Clarisse looked at the back of the dress in confusion.

"This looks fine to me- I'm sure Lily would have made sure that you had it on properly…"

"Grandma," Mia said, taking one of her hands and pulling her around to face her. "That was only a ruse to get you in here…you and Joe are obviously not enjoying yourselves tonight, are you?"

"No, I suppose we aren't…but I'm still angry about what happened before."

"Grandma, I know I'm not an expert on men, but men are just clueless about clothes, and it's a little unfair for us to expect them to give us details. I know, I can really drive Nick crazy, but maybe we should both accept that they are limited in that way.

I know Joe, and I don't think he was deliberately being obtuse about your dress- just look into his eyes when he sees you in anything, and you know what he thinks! He can't give you an unbiased judgement- he loves you in anything!"

"Yes, he does," Clarisse admitted, a soft smile appearing on her face. She knew Mia was right- looking in his eyes, just before he usually kissed her, gave her what she wanted to know. "I think I was a little silly in blowing this all out of proportion," Clarisse added, feeling more than a little foolish, and Mia patted her shoulder sympathetically.

"I can't believe I'm giving my grandmother advice- it's usually the other way round- but don't be too hard on Joe…hey, speaking of, why didn't you come to either me or Charlotte?"

"I wanted Joseph to feel more involved in our life together."

"Grandma, he is so involved in your life together- he always has been. Every time someone sees you, he's either right at your side or not that far away. Even when he's away, you can't stop talking about him or him about you! If he were any more involved, you would be living in each other pockets…wait, you are…and that's a good thing for the two of you. After so many years apart, it's actually really beautiful to see a couple so devoted to each other.

You do everything together…so, maybe you should let him off the hook about clothes…there are more qualified people to give you advice…What do you say?" Mia looked at her head cocked to the side. Clarisse smiled, her eyes swimming with tears, before she leaned over and gave her granddaughter a hug.

"I never realised how obvious we seem to people…actually, it's rather embarrassing."

"No it's not! I just hope that Nicholas and I are as happy as you two are!"

"You will be, my love," Clarisse said as she looked at herself in a mirror, before taking a deep breath in. "Well, let's go and finish dessert."

As soon as they appeared, both men stood up and held out their chairs for them.

"Aren't we lucky, Grandma," Mia said with a giggle as she sat down. "That we have such old fashioned men?"

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Nicholas said in a mock injured voice, and Mia turned to him with a smile. While the two of them were smiling at each other, Clarisse and Joe's hands met under the table and squeezed gently before they reached for their dessert again. Just as they finished dessert, the music in their private room began, and both Nicholas and Joe stood up.

"Would you care to dance?" they asked, almost in perfect unison, to their 'girls' who smiled and gave their hands willingly, although Mia giggled again. There was a small pause as they began dancing on the dance floor before both Joseph and Clarisse started

"I'm sorry," they both said together, and then laughed when they realised that they had said it at the same time.

"I'm really sorry I was so picky about your comments- I know that clothes really aren't your expertise, and you still say that you love me in anything," Clarisse said softly. "It wasn't fair to ask you something like that- and, lucky for you, I won't ask you again."

"Thank goodness," Joe pretended to wipe his brow before taking her hand again. "Seriously, I'm sorry I lost my temper with you. I didn't really understand the fuss you women all make about clothes, and I thought I was rather childish about what I said…By the way, did you realise your eyes go the most brilliant blue when you're angry?"

"No?" Clarisse laughed. "No one has told me that- I guess I never lost my temper that much….so, I'll make a deal with you- I won't ask you to give any opinions on my outfits anymore…."

"And, if you do, I'll try and put some more thought into it!"

"Deal," they said in unison as Joseph raised her hand to his lips. The song finished, and they looked around for Mia and Nicholas and, to their surprise, they had disappeared.

"Look, there's something on the table," Clarisse pointed to a piece of paper sitting on their side of the table, and Joseph picked it up.

"_Dear Grandma and Joe_

_As you two are obviously making up, Nicholas and I are leaving you two alone. We've arranged for a car to pick us up, so your car is waiting out the back (I'd hate for you to walk back through the restaurant again!)_

_Love Mia and Nicholas"_

"I didn't see them go at all," Clarisse said in surprise after they read the note. Joseph laughed, and put the note into his pocket.

"Those two are very sneaky, I'll give you that. So….am I allowed back in our bedroom tonight?" he looked at her pleadingly, and she laughed.

"Yes, you are!"

"Good, then I've got an idea!" He grabbed her coat, helped her put it on and then, taking her hand, led her out the back doorway.

"Thank you, please come again!" called their waiter from behind them.

A gush of cool air met them as they left the restaurant, and Clarisse beamed at him as he opened the back door for her.

"Where are you taking me?"

"Surprise!" he teased, and followed her into the car. As the car moved off, he took her into his arms and kissed her.

"I guess Mia was right," she murmured when they broke apart.

"Why's that?"

"Although the fighting may be hard, the making up makes it all worth it!" and both of them laughed.

"And, we have a deal now," he reminded her. "No more clothes checks- except in emergencies!"

"I agree with that," Clarisse smiled peacefully at him- no more clothes checks in front of Joe. She missed him too much when they weren't speaking to each other.


End file.
